This blog is more of me processing my thoughts and themes that I noticed in my life during my time in Ghana, and honestly, my thoughts are still very much so being processed and I'm still trying to learn how to take it all in, so this blog isn't going to be as thorough and informative as I would like, but hey it's something, and it's all I have at the moment so it'll have to do haha!
I really just wanted this to be a space where I can attempt to verbalize some things I learned while I was in Ghana, and I hope that even if it means absolutely nothing to you, it can help you see things a little bit more from my perspective.
Lesson #1: I Can't Do This
For as long as I can remember I had been looking forward to leaving home and traveling anywhere. It didn't matter where, I just wanted to get away. And I did. But what I wasn't prepared for was for how hard it was, how homesick I became, and how much I struggled and wanted to go home. I wasn't prepared to be faced with the reality that I am not cut out for that kind of lifestyle. It hurt. It was hard. I cried. There were so many days where I just came to terms that I could not do this. I couldn't handle it, and thought I never would be able to. And while that is true, while it is beyond anything that I can handle in my own strength, the Lord reminded me over and over again that this life I live is not by my own strength. It is by His. So no, on my own, I can't do this. But in Him, I can.
Lesson #2: I Don't Want to Be a Missionary
After I got over feeling like I was not cut out for this missionary life, I came to an even bigger conclusion that I don't want to be a missionary (which is HUGE because I've wanted to be a missionary for quite some time). I talk about this more in a guest blog post on my friend Jessica's blog, but basically I state how I don't want to go on a mission trip, tell people about Jesus and then leave. I don't want to go somewhere thinking that I'm the hero saving the day by telling people about a much needed Savior. I don't want to enter in as the foreigner thinking they have the right answer and without me everyone else is doomed. No. I want to let God be God, and sit back and humbly fit in wherever He wants me in the world. I want to love people like Jesus, and not just tell them about Jesus. I want to engage in the community and learn from them, not barge in with my own ideas and tell them how I think they should live their lives. I don't want to be a missionary. I want to be the love of Jesus in a person, and through my life I want people to come to know the love of our Savior.
Lesson #3: I Hate Goodbyes
I never knew how hard it was to say goodbye until I was leaving Ghana. I've said goodbye before, plenty of times. But those goodbyes were temporary. Goodbyes at my high school graduation? I knew I would see my friends over the summer and during breaks in college when we all returned home. Goodbyes at the end of every semester in college thus far? I knew I would see them when we returned for the next semester, if not sooner. Goodbyes when I left to go to Ghana? I knew that 4 months later, I would be back and reunited with them. But the goodbyes leaving Ghana? Man. That was hard. It's still so hard. As I was leaving I could so confidently say I will be back and we will surely meet again. But along with that confidence comes the questions. But when? How long will I have to wait? How long will they have to wait? When I do come back, how long will I get to be there until I have to say goodbye yet again? Is it really realistic to think I can keep traveling back and forth to Ghana? Where am I going to get the money for all of that? Who will come with me? What about the other Americans I met over there? When will I see them again? So. Many. Questions. So. Many. Goodbyes. And as much as I hated the goodbyes (and still do), I had to come to terms with the fact that saying goodbye is a part of life. It sucks, it really does. But it's inevitable. And somehow I was able to find the beauty in goodbyes. Goodbyes that are hard are painful, but more than that, they're a blessing.
"When goodbyes are hard, it means you've been changed, you've been taught, you've grown. It means you have opened up your heart to be impacted by the people around you. It means you have allowed yourself to really be with others and grow relationships that matter. When goodbyes are hard, it means you've made friends, you've been a part of a community, you've found a family. When goodbyes are hard, it means you have loved and been loved well. When goodbyes are hard, it means you have given your heart and invested it into people who matter. And all of these things describe Ghana for me. Ghana has taught me so much. Ghana has caused me to grow. Ghana has changed me. Ghana has brought some amazing people into my life. Ghana has given me a family and community that I absolutely adore. Ghana has shown me love and helped teach me how to love. And I have surely been loved well here." -It's Ghana Be Hard to Say Goodbye
Ghana was an incredible treat, and I'm extremely blessed to have been able to live and take part in this amazing culture. I know I learned so much more than just these three things, but I'm still processing everything. I'll be processing and doing a self discovery journey for a while, and I'm not entirely sure if that's something that will ever come to an end. I look forward to being able to return to Ghana and go through this all over again. But until then, I will hold on to the memories I made and the people I met there.
Also, I am so beyond thankful that our God is constant. A good portion of my time in Ghana, I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in confusion, in inconsistency, in anxiety, in mixed emotions. Just constantly felt like I was drowning. But the God we serve is constant and faithful. He is my anchor. He is my ever present help. And I could not be more grateful.
His love carried me. His grace kept me. His goodness pushed me on.
Y'all. God is SO good.
Blessings, blessings, and more blessings to you all.
With love,
Elisha
